Akihito slipped in and out of sleep, sprawled among the rumpled, well-used sheets. Asami’s body, with its hard, smooth warmth, was pressed up against him. He snuggled into that warmth, and as the slightly smoky scent of Asami filled his nose, a languid contentedness spread over his limbs. He felt Asami’s fingers on his chin and without opening his eyes, he parted his lips for another kiss. Asami’s tongue explored his mouth, searching slowly. Akihito sighed as Asami traced his fingers along Akihito’s cheek, sending wonderful shivers through him.
The kiss ended. He wanted more but was too tired to even open his eyes. When he sighed again the tender scents of sex and sweat drifted over him. His body was sore and completely satiated from being loved most of the night. It seemed Asami was tired too for he pulled the duvet over them and turned off the lights.
The harsh sound of Kou’s alarm clock jolted him awake and the beautiful dream dissolved in an instant. Akihito opened his eyes, staring up at his friend’s ceiling. The paint was starting peel in places.
“Sorry about that,” said Kou, throwing back the duvet and getting out of bed. Kou, his good friend, let him stay at his place while he got back on his feet again.
“It’s okay. You have to work,” mumbled Akihito. Every morning they had this same exchange.
“What are you going to do today, Akihito?” asked Kou as he booted up the computer. Akihito sat up and stretched.
“I’m meeting with the editor of Headline Magazine. He said he might have some work for me,” he said.
“Good luck with that. Things will turn around for you soon.”
“Thanks. And thanks again for letting me stay.” Akihito pulled the duvet closer to him.
“You know you don’t have to thank me,” said Kou. They often had that exchange too.
The alarm had startled him but it didn’t diminish the raging hard-on he had. He waited for Kou to go into the bathroom to shower so he could jerk off. As he slid his hand down the front of his pajama bottoms and his other hand over his toned belly, he realized jerking off was no longer satisfying to him. He did it because he needed to but it brought him no real pleasure. He wrapped his hand around his hard cock and rhythmically stroked it, touching his fingers to his lips. He craved Asami’s deep kisses. He needed to feel Asami’s weight on him, his hot cock thrusting deep inside him.
“Ah…ahh!” The all too familiar desire unfurled inside him, his memories of Asami bringing him to a quick climax. When it was over, and he’d wiped himself off, he lay back down listening to the sounds of the shower. The physical release was only a temporary feeling. It would do nothing to blunt the longing that ran through his body most of the time. Sometimes it was like a low level hum, not too troublesome but unmistakably present. Other times it was like a raging fire, painful and threatening to consume all his senses. There was also a feeling of incompleteness, a sense of disconnection. Akihito refused to acknowledge this feeling and always shoved it away before it could get a foothold on his thoughts.
His back was a little sore from sleeping on Kou’s small futon but he was grateful for it nonetheless. He got up and put away the futon and duvet. He needed to find work so he could get his own place. He couldn’t keep living like this. He had returned to Japan less than four weeks earlier after being kidnapped and taken to Hong Kong. When he’d returned, he’d found that Asami had stolen all his possessions and moved them into his penthouse without permission, leaving him with a key. The bastard had even locked up his cameras. Asami had put them in a safe and Akihito had resorted to breaking it open with a crowbar. After that, Akihito had resolved to put distance between himself and Asami while he worked on rebuilding his life.
Later that afternoon he walked down the busy street towards the magazine office to meet with the editor. It was a warm, sunny day after almost a week of rain. The air smelled clean and fresh even in West Shinjuku with all its traffic and congestion. Everyone was in warm weather clothes enjoying the sun.
He was wearing a dark polo shirt with thin white horizontal stripes and his usual jeans. Also, he’d had to tighten his belt. He was losing weight from not eating regularly. It was humiliating but he’d been in such situations before and knew persistence and patience were the best ways to turn things around.
A limo with blacked out windows pulled up beside him. He stopped walking but didn’t look at it right away. His heart was starting to pound. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised by his reaction but it always managed to startle him. The car window slid silently down and he was looking at Asami. The man’s piercing eyes burned through him, igniting the familiar yearning.
The door opened. Without thinking, Akihito climbed in and settled in his customary spot next to Asami, crossing his legs after pulling the door closed. He looked down at his hands, not speaking.
“You’re getting thin,” he heard Asami say, as the car started moving again.
He shook his head, unable to speak. Asami was right next to him. He could feel his warmth, he could feel him breathing. His pounding heart skipped a beat, making him suck in his breath.
“Akihito.” Even the sound of Asami saying his name made blush. The heat was rising in his face. He was still staring down at his hands. “Hey. Akihito, look at me,” Asami said. There was a trace of gentleness in his voice.
“Let…let me off here, please,” he said still not looking up.
“Look at me.” Asami’s cold command surprised him and he looked up. He gulped, always amazed by Asami’s beauty and magnificent presence which blocked out everything else.
Asami grabbed his chin and Akihito trembled, trying to mentally drag himself away from the kiss he knew would be coming. But Asami didn’t kiss him. Instead, he looked at him, frowning. “You’re too thin. I’m getting you something to eat.” Akihito couldn’t look away though he wanted to. He realized he wanted to lose himself in Asami’s eyes but he was afraid he would disappear, become a shell of a person if he did.
“No,” Akihito said, his voice shaking a little, “I don’t need….” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Before he could stop himself he reached up for Asami and kissed him. He wanted and needed so badly he felt like he was going to burst. Their mouths melted together, tasting, their tongues circling together. He gripped Asami’s jacket as the kiss deepened, the warmth of Asami’s lips and tongue making him shudder.
“Ahhh! Asami!” he cried out when the kiss was over. Asami settled his hands on Akihito’s hips, having pulled him onto his lap.
“Come home with me, Akihito. Let me look after you,” he said, gazing up at him. His beautiful eyes were liquid heat.
Alarms went off in Akihito’s head and he started to pull away. “I…I can’t. Don’t you see?”
Asami kissed him on the cheek, still holding him. His hands were gentle. There was something different in Asami’s eyes, a kind of softness. Akihito sensed a shift but he couldn’t tell if it was coming from Asami or himself. The shift eased his anxiety and he let himself relax. He put his arms around Asami’s neck and they pressed their foreheads together. He gazed into Asami’s eyes. He didn’t feel like he was going to lose himself. Instead, he felt the nagging sense of incompleteness fall away. There was a silence and another unexpected feeling of deep contentment. Nothing happened. There was just the stillness that seemed to surround them. A cool flame of clarity flickered in Akihito’s mind. He knew if he let the moment go on they would merely exist here, completely happy together.
He pulled away, more from the unexpected shift than anything else. Asami held him tight for a moment and then let him go, his face sullen. Akihito slid back onto the car seat.
“Please let me off here, Kirishima-san,” called Akihito, still looking at Asami. He didn’t want to stop looking at him even after pulling away. Asami looked towards the front of the car and nodded. The car pulled to a slow stop.
“I need to rebuild my life. I can’t keep doing this with you,” Akihito said. He sat up straighter. “Why do you want to cage me, Asami? It makes no sense.” He felt steady enough saying it but he knew that conviction would run away once he exited the car. He took a breath, trying to summon his indignation but those earlier moments of sitting on Asami’s lap made it difficult to do so.
Asami reached for him, a sudden movement that made him flinch. He pulled Akihito into his arms again, unexpected anger darkening his eyes. “I said I no longer want to allow you your freedom. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for both of us.”
A flare of anger fired through Akihito at Asami’s awful arrogance. “Let go of me, dammit! I’m not a piece of property! And I am NOT your lover!” He struggled against Asami, pushing at him. The struggle triggered more heat and desire, making him even angrier. Asami held him tighter and then forced his mouth onto his. Akihito fought him even though he willingly opened his mouth to Asami’s harshly probing tongue. Asami forced his arms behind his back, holding his wrists in an iron grip.
“Nnnn!! Mmmm…!!” Akihito whimpered. He was still fighting Asami but he was also aching from the desire raging through him. He wanted Asami to take him while he struggled, to force him to submit. He wanted to fight him as he climaxed and screamed with pleasure. Asami let go of his wrists and Akihito struggled harder, their kiss deepening.
Asami shoved Akihito away.
“Ahhhhh…!! Haaa…Ha…Ha!” Akihito opened his eyes and saw that Asami’s eyes were laced with cold anger. Akihito reached for him and Asami pushed him away again. “Get out. You’ll be back soon. Make sure you’ve grown up before you come see me,” Asami said, settling back in the seat, looking away from him, arms folded.
Akihito trembled. The words and the shock of physical rejection stung him to the core. The feeling of incompleteness became painful. “You aren’t capable of any real feelings, are you? You are an inhuman, self-serving BASTARD!!!” Akihito shouted. He didn’t wait for Asami’s response. Instead, he climbed quickly out of the car and slammed the door. He didn’t look back as the car pulled away even as he tried to will himself to calm down, his heart still pounding.